Song of the Day: Secret Shame – “Hide”
Released: 2022
Single
A few years back, I caught Secret Shame opening a show in Asheville at the sadly now defunct Mothlight. Though they were young and relatively unknown, they were immediately impactful. In the time that has passed, they’ve only gotten better. The sonic palette that falls somewhere between Siouxsie & The Banshees’ gothic post-punk and The Cranberries’ empowered dreamy alt-rock has become more refined as the band has gained more of an individualized identity. On their new confessional single “Hide,” vocalist Lena Machina lares bare her struggles with mental illness and eating disorders. The song is a powerfully revealing statement from one of Asheville’s best young bands.
Lena Machina’s statement on “Hide”:
During the pandemic, I have witnessed many people with mental illness spiral downwards. For some, back when many people were getting unemployment, it was a break from the constant bustle of life and an opportunity to catch up on old hobbies you’ve forgotten about, or spend time with family. For many others, it has been a nightmare of isolation. Even people who don’t experience mental illness can be crushed by the weight of being alone with yourself.
I’ve seen people who have been sober for years get thrown back into drug addiction, and people consider suicide as the only option. While my partner and I were stuck in a series of small rooms throughout 2020, I was consumed with self-hatred unlike I have ever experienced. “Hide” is about the self hatred that I have continued to experience every day since, and more specifically so, about the eating disorder I was diagnosed with in 2021.
I’ve gone back and forth about talking about my own mental illness so publicly, especially considering I do not fit the societal image of a person with anorexia. I didn’t want to open up the possibility for more judgment and scrutiny than I’ve already faced in my life. And I didn’t want to bring up something that could make people more depressed in a time where many people are trying to find reasons to feel okay. But if there’s any possibility that my being honest about the content of our music could help somebody who’s struggling, then the vulnerability and scrutiny is worth it.
If you or anyone you know is struggling with mental illness of any kind, know that your struggle is valid and you deserve to get help. You are sick enough and you are worthy enough of treatment. And you are loved. You are very loved.
Lyrics
I’ve waited to see myself transform but all
Beauty falters without room
to alter, fail and fall
Straight asunder
Summon now
The bruising hands
who’s fingers purge me
Waste away
Throbbing hunger
Thoughts that strike,
thoughts that urge me
Hide hide hide
Hide hide hide
Hide hide hide
Hide hide hide hide
Hide in catharsis
where illness becomes art
Cathartic motions lay me bare
Pedestals tear me apart
Wasting here
Wasting here
Hands with fingers down my throat
Wasting here
Wasting give
me back the innocence you stole
Hide hide hide
sick dogs get euthanized
Hide hide hide
Sick dogs get euthanized
Hide hide hide
Sick dogs get euthanized
Hide hide hide hide
Hold me close
Hold me close
Until the sickness melts off and drops away
Or hold me until I cease to exist
And this mind that never ends
Will end in power
Starve and die
Hide hide hide
Sick dogs get euthanized
Hide hide hide
Sick dogs get euthanized
Hide hide hide
Sick dogs get euthanized
Hide hide hide hide
Hide hide hide
SAMHSA’s National Helpline 1-800-662-HELP (4357) is a 24-hour hotline for people experiencing mental crisis and substance abuse disorders. (800) 931-2237 is the hotline number for NEDA, the National Eating Disorders Association.